perhaps its time to let go

why does it always have to be that after I made noise about it, then you'll show me one, two weeks of 'top performance'...and then it'll all go back to zero again?

really sick and tired of repeating this cycle over and over again

didn't you realise that the 'independence' that you gave me, is more than enough to get me used to days without you?

and that sooner or later I'll not need you anymore?

if you really go back to zero, then I shall reduce everything between us to zero too.

growing up

I guess I'm really like what Audrey says...the part about me not blogging for weeks and then when I blog, I blog several times a day or consecutively in the next few days...lol...but no matter what, I'm sure she'll be shocked when she see my wordy posts when she's back from Malaysia...=P

But I had something that 'inspired' me to blog...so...*shrugs* I just go with my feelings when I feel like blogging...hee...

it actually happened a few days ago, whereby I was talking to him...instead of naming who he is, I shall describe him instead...maybe some of you might know who he is...and maybe some might guessed the wrong person...but I'm sure when he read this, he will know that I'm referring to him...I have always 'idolise' him since many years ago...because he taught me a lot of things...and showered me with care and concern that made me feel I'm the luckiest little girl on Earth, to have him around me...

back to our talk, I once again told him about this book, 'The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time', once again mentioning the strange/special behaviours of this little boy in this book...his reaction, made me realised that he has grown up, in some ways or rather; I didn't mean that he was immature or childish or what, before...he just became even more understanding towards certain issues...because a few months, or maybe a few years back, I told him before about this book...when I talked about the boy's behaviours, he twitched his mouth and shown a face of slight disgust, as if he find the boy very weird, rather than the unique feelings I had towards the boy...a little disappointed by his reactions I was, but I didn't show it...I just laugh it off and forget about it...

but a few days back, I told him about the book again...the second time I mentioned the weird behaviours of the little boy...but this time round, he listened to me thoughtfully, and discussed about the conditions of the boy that caused him to act in such a way...no more disgusted look or finding the boy weird...just understanding looks and explanations of why he act in such a way...somehow, it surprised me as he seemed to have some interest in the book, unlike his reaction in the past...'he has grown up', I thought. and perhaps it's due to him taking the course to further his studies that he learnt to look at unique people in a different light...

perhaps I am not in the position to comment someone whom I idolise and respect, someone whose older than me, that he has became more matured, more understanding, but I certainly feel that way...surprised, to know that someone whom I always feel that has been very matured and all, could be even more matured than he was, before...and moreover me, being someone much more immature, could observed the 'growth' in him...I'm indeed delighted, and pleased for him...=)

tuesdays with Morrie

went to library today and borrowed a few books, once again...

just finish reading Lesley Pearse's Faith...it's a pretty nice book I would say...for being a random book I took from the shelves when I can't find the books I wanted...nice try =)

reading Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom today, and hopefully I can finish reading it today...(and I did it!! =D)

found some parts of the book really worth the lesson, so just wanted to share some over here...=)

"Have I told you about the tension of opposites?" he says.

The tension of opposites?

"Life is a series of pulls back and forth. You want to do one thing, but you are bound to do something else. Something hurts you, yet you know it shouldn't. You take certain things for granted, even when you know you should never take anything for granted.

"A tension of opposites, like a pull on a rubber band. And most of us live somewhere in the middle."

Sounds like a wrestling match, I say.

"A wrestling match." He laughs. "Yes, you could describe life that way."

So which side wins, I ask?

"Which side wins?"

He smiles at me, the crinkled eyes, the crooked teeth.

"Love wins. Love always wins."

Sometimes you cannot believe what you see, you have to believe what you feel. And if you are ever going to have other people trust you, you must feel that you can trust them, too---even when you're in the dark. Even when you're falling.

"A teacher affects eternity; he can never tell where his influence stops"

-Henry Adams

"Once you learn how to die, you learn how to live."

Love each other or perish

- W. H. Auden

"Without love, we are birds with broken wings"

"Don't cling to things, because everything is impermanent"

Weren't you ever afraid to grow old, I asked?

"Mitch, I embrace aging."

Embrace it?

"It's very simple. As you grow, you learn more. If you stayed at twenty-two, you'd always be as ignorant as you were at twenty-two. Aging is not just decay, you know. It's growth. It's more than the negative that you're going to die, it's also the positive that you understand you're going to die, and that you live a better life because of it."

Yes, I said, but if aging were so valuable, why do people always say, "Oh, if I were young again." You never hear people say, "I wish I were sixty-five."

He smiled. "You know what that reflects? Unsatisfied lives. Unfulfilled lives. Lives that haven't found meaning. Because if you've found meaning in your life, you don't want to go back. You want to go forward. You want to see more, do more. You can't wait until sixty-five.

"Listen. You should know something. All younger people should know something. If you're always battling against getting older, you're always going to be unhappy, because it will happen anyhow."

"I've learned this much about marriage," he said now. "You get tested. You find out who you are, who the other person is, and how you accommodate or don't."

Is there some kind of rule to know if a marriage is going to work?

Morrie smiled. "Things aren't that simple, Mitch."

I know.

"Still," he said, "there are a few rules I know to be true about love and marriage: If you don't respect the other person, you're gonna have a lot of trouble. If you don't know how to compromise, you're gonna have a lot of trouble. If you can't talk openly about what goes on between you, you're gonna have a lot of trouble. And if you don't have a common set of values in life, you're gonna have a lot of trouble. Your values must be alike.

"And the biggest one of those values, Mitch?"

Yes?

"Your belief in the importance of your marriage."

Death ends a life, not a relationship.

afterall, I guess I just can't be the 'always very understanding' girlfriend...

maybe I'm just not fit to be in any relationship.

死了都没人知