I had these thoughts that came to my mind when I tried to sleep, a few days ago...or probably more than a week ago...so I typed onto my phone, kept it, and waited til today when I finally remember to bloga about it..oh well I'm waiting for the GESL camp photos to be transfered to my thumbdrive and there's 17 mins more to go, so might as well... =)
I wonder how many people understand me...people around me, be it friends or family members, a common sentence to hear is 'I understand you too well'...but is it really true?Do you really think you understand me that well?
I've no idea when I've become like that...protective of myself? Maybe that's the word to describe it...I don't like it when people understands me too well (if they ever do)...because I will feel...insecure...very insecure...I like to keep things to myself...keep all my thoughts to myself...and when I try to comfort troubled friends, I would think of my past related experiences and wonder why things ever happened in such a way...and sometimes, I get troubled by my own troubles, as well as my friends' one...even with a troubled mind, I tried to make my friends feel less troubled...maybe I'm still not firm enough...not good enough to be a counsellor...not good enough to be an advisor...I don't know...
I get hurt very easily...whether I show it or not...and the problem is, as much as I hope to forget those unpleasant incidents, I don't seem to be able to forget some of them...perhaps it is just like the well-known phrase, saying that you're hurt deeply by the person not because of what he/she has done but because he/she means alot to you...or maybe I'm just fated to be a person piled with tonnes of unpleasant incidents...I hate to be hurt...maybe I'm like a durian...layered with sharp dangerous thorns on the outer shell to protect the inner self which is too delicate to be inflicted by any injuries...
Sometimes I don't like it when people tease me...not all the time, but it depends on what they tease about...I hate it when they tease about things that hurts my dignity, as though I've got none. I hate it when they tease about the same thing over the 21 years of my life. And I flare up when I don't like it. Because I know that if I do, they will not do it again...at least for the next few wks/mths...
I get agitated, angry when people force me to do things that I do not want/dare/like to do. So that they'll reconsider again in future if they ever want to get me to do the same thing.
I criticise people when I don't like their certain character/behaviour. Because I don't want them to like me when I dislike them so much. It hurts to know that people whom you like dislikes you. I know. So I rather they end up hating me.
To some people, they feel that I often show serious, stable side of me..the kind who will never play a fool around. Or someone very quiet. But I do have times when I'm of the opposite; if you manage to find the right key to unlock that certain part of me, which apparently not many people are able to do so.
Did you just realise and feel that you've known me better after reading all these and then somehow accepts those times when I criticised you, scolded you, gave you cold shoulders, etc? I made myself sounded totally reasonable, didn't I? But actually I'm totally at fault. Can't you see it? I'm just like another typical Singaporean who finds a reason for everything that happens and tries to push the blame as much as possible. Just like the old grandfather who blames everything for being smelly without knowing that it is the smelly cheese on his nose that misled him. Agreed again, didn't you? How fun it is to play tricks with human brains. Didn't you just got to know again, another thing about me?
I wonder how many people understand me...people around me, be it friends or family members, a common sentence to hear is 'I understand you too well'...but is it really true?Do you really think you understand me that well?
I've no idea when I've become like that...protective of myself? Maybe that's the word to describe it...I don't like it when people understands me too well (if they ever do)...because I will feel...insecure...very insecure...I like to keep things to myself...keep all my thoughts to myself...and when I try to comfort troubled friends, I would think of my past related experiences and wonder why things ever happened in such a way...and sometimes, I get troubled by my own troubles, as well as my friends' one...even with a troubled mind, I tried to make my friends feel less troubled...maybe I'm still not firm enough...not good enough to be a counsellor...not good enough to be an advisor...I don't know...
I get hurt very easily...whether I show it or not...and the problem is, as much as I hope to forget those unpleasant incidents, I don't seem to be able to forget some of them...perhaps it is just like the well-known phrase, saying that you're hurt deeply by the person not because of what he/she has done but because he/she means alot to you...or maybe I'm just fated to be a person piled with tonnes of unpleasant incidents...I hate to be hurt...maybe I'm like a durian...layered with sharp dangerous thorns on the outer shell to protect the inner self which is too delicate to be inflicted by any injuries...
Sometimes I don't like it when people tease me...not all the time, but it depends on what they tease about...I hate it when they tease about things that hurts my dignity, as though I've got none. I hate it when they tease about the same thing over the 21 years of my life. And I flare up when I don't like it. Because I know that if I do, they will not do it again...at least for the next few wks/mths...
I get agitated, angry when people force me to do things that I do not want/dare/like to do. So that they'll reconsider again in future if they ever want to get me to do the same thing.
I criticise people when I don't like their certain character/behaviour. Because I don't want them to like me when I dislike them so much. It hurts to know that people whom you like dislikes you. I know. So I rather they end up hating me.
To some people, they feel that I often show serious, stable side of me..the kind who will never play a fool around. Or someone very quiet. But I do have times when I'm of the opposite; if you manage to find the right key to unlock that certain part of me, which apparently not many people are able to do so.
Did you just realise and feel that you've known me better after reading all these and then somehow accepts those times when I criticised you, scolded you, gave you cold shoulders, etc? I made myself sounded totally reasonable, didn't I? But actually I'm totally at fault. Can't you see it? I'm just like another typical Singaporean who finds a reason for everything that happens and tries to push the blame as much as possible. Just like the old grandfather who blames everything for being smelly without knowing that it is the smelly cheese on his nose that misled him. Agreed again, didn't you? How fun it is to play tricks with human brains. Didn't you just got to know again, another thing about me?
