an ANGRY, random post..

after a whole bloody day at Heartware's office, when i was looking for someone to let it all out, i could practically find no one...not that theres no one...but they happen to be unavailable...coz one was slping, one was busy, one had something on, one juz woke up frm slp and one nid to sttend meeting...THEN, HOPING TAT IT WLD COOL ME DOWN BY GOING TO SOME PLACES WHERE GREAT MEMORIES USE TO LIES, it BACKFIRED, THANKS TO SOMEONE. i told myself i'm leaving at 10 no matter wat, then SOME ppl juz come and make me feel more like not going home...and guess wat?he CALLED MY PARENTS as if i'm a kid BELOW 17 being caught like a police, and told my parents to BRING ME HOME...wifout me knowing too...WOW...SO NICE OF HIM YEA?juz frm tis i could tell if he noes me well or not...if he is shane he wld noe wat to do...but too bad he's not...so, he made me PISSED and THANKS to all the 'PRESENTS' i got when i received home...and not afraid to let u noe...it made me HATED home even more, and one day if i were to disappear and nv be back, dun bother to call anyone...i wldnt be so stupid AGAIN to look for one who will CALL UP my parents...and tis day will come, it CERTAINLY WILL...wanna stop it izzit?go ahead and tell my parents!im not AFRAID...wtf...such a NICE day YEA?i regret not meeting up the other two frenz who looked for me after tat...one was coz alvin juz woke up when he called, so its not nice to disturb him...sorry ming for not replying yur msg...didnt mean it...sorry to make u worry too...

wat a day...pardon my language, coz im really in a foul mood.

juz random thots....

this is just a very very short one, 'cause just now i was doing another online character test...shall spare you the details...just want to share with you the last sentence of the results which i like alot...here i go...it says, "only people who know your true self can maintain a long-lasting relationship with you"...hmmm...i dont know...but it seems quite true to me...heez...=P

sOmEtImEs i jUz wOnDeR...

well...let me count...1 year...2 years...3...eh?oh....haven't reach 3...another 4 mths and 6 days?yep...but every now and then i will still have the habit of taking a peep at his msn nick, wondering how he's doing now...well, most importantly...thinking if he has found a new girlfriend?hmm...it's been a very long time since i have the 'hearbeat feeling'...years yea?too bad...none of the guys i met after him could give me the racing heartbeat feeling...well, maybe only once or twice...but its unlike his...hehe...a bad habit...always like to compare him with other people...but things are just different when it comes to him...no matter what his bad points are, or how many there are, he will still remain as the best in my eyes...yesh...he is the only one i wanted to settle down with...but too bad he leave me cruelly on that HOLY night...haha...what to do?to think i can still joke abt it...but after everything, i blamed everyone except for him...weird right?thats the power of love...or obsession(according to my brother)...but in either ways, i have never regret having him in my life...and he will always take up some place in my heart, no matter what...i dont know why, but this is a fact that will never change...yep...sad to say, he's always my prince charming who can never be mine...

psst...A & A is the best dream that can ever come true...though its only for a short while...but its not the quantity tat matters, its the quality...=)

suddenly, i'm lost...

suddenly...to think of it...the thought of me and him are impossible just feels 'alright' to me already...for some reasons which i dont even know...but it doesnt feel like its the end of the world...as compared to tat christmas night,this is nothing...yep...especially when he talked about his past bad memories again...i feel that i'm clearer about my feelings...as well as my aim...that is...to make sure he lives a better life now...a much better one...without anyone bullying him anymore...yep...that was how i was feeling from the start i guess...just that there was once we were very close...perhaps there's sparks at that particular moment...but...after we separated...guess that feeling just fade off as time passed...and i didnt realize...until this few days...yep...and i'm so happy to get to a conclusion!!haha...afterall not all my feelings can be confirmed as easy as that...hmmm...but at least one's clear already...haha...well...guess i just want to get my mr right and live in seclusion with him ever after...but...really couldnt find him...he must have been hiding somewhere...aww...the more i want it,the more i wont get it...argh~~but anyway...i'm just glad that i got it clear!!hehe...hopefully i wont regret my decision...but dont think theres anything for me to regret anyway...perhaps i should stop the habit of trying to 'open up' people's heart...and should stop getting sympathetic towards people with bad childhood...and the worse thing is--i always learn to appreciate them...too much appreciation that i developed feelings...aww...i'm such a lousy psychologist...really cant be one man...hehe...cant help it man...case after case...when can i stop that bad habit?just have a soft spot for that i guess...hmm...back to my new discovery this few days...hehe...its suppose to be good yea?but seriously i dont know its good or bad...its like...suddenly i felt lost...i keep asking myself...if it wasnt him...then who?honestly i still cant get myself an answer...gosh...im lost~~~cant find my way home...please guide me along yea? =/

oMg...somebody kill me please...i dont feel like living for another moment...

people always say that one will always have a day which is worse throughout their life...well,maybe i'm just exaggerating...but...i really feel likewise for today...though some good things did happen today...but those bad ones have much more impact than those good ones...wanna know?i seldom put up sad stuff on blogs...cause i always wanted to be reminded of the happy times...but today...i'm just too down to think of something that makes me happy...just cant think of it...well...it all started with me feeling the heat...its just so out of a sudden...and i felt very warm...both inside and outside...then was so tired that i fall asleep during ms raj's tutorial...wasnt asleep u know...but nothing just seem to get in...then after that...it was so nice cause i was appreciated by someone...oh my what are u thinking about man...its just one of my teacher...well...i often feel great when someone appreciates what i do...though i dont as for return...but knowing that one's being appreciated just feels so great...heez...anyway...let me fast forward abit...hmm...now im at home already,and my sis just failed in provoking me...hence she got angry instead...wow...should have praised myself for being so tolerant today...then...the worse came...guess what?my fears came through...it really did...in a fast way though...fast, sharp, yet pain...well...but finally i can stop dreaming and get back to the world...yeah...it is indeed a cruel world...sad to say...but i already knew it before it happen...just that i keep lying to myself...telling myself that it'll be okay...everything will go as what i want...but i was wrong...terribly wrong...yep...but im still happy that the friendship still remains...like what i say,i seriously do not know where my heart lies...hence i usually will tell myself that it should be the guy who can really make me happy or something...well...maybe i still cant get over alvin...but...well...its afterall two years ago...alright...shall not drift too far away...then after that...my mum starts scolding me for a very silly reason...i wonder how much ear wax are cleared when she scold and scold and scold...haiz...how unreasonable can parents be?then luggy better,my sis 'added oil to the fire'...wth lorz...im so glad shes not my bro...or else i wont dare to look for guys when i grow up lorz...yep...they all came at the same time...one after another...and uncle called me...i was already in such a bad mood that i dont even feel like answering his call...so pai seh lahz...but i rather he didnt get to hear my voice than to hear me sounding sad...haiz...and some ccc members start flooding me with questions...gosh...then i have to answer them in such a cheerful tone...its really painful u know...to act like im happy when actuallly im not at all...haiz...what more could that be?haiz...no idea...perhaps its really not my day...but anyway...need to wake up early for SOM tomorrow...haiz...hopefully tomorrow will be a better day!~

i've just lost one of my main source of happiness...

tHe mEmOrIeS oF yOu & mE aRe jUz tOo sWeEt tO bE eRaSeD...

our memories...its priceless,isnt it?'cause it only belongs to you and me...yep...just the two of us...well...actually i'm not very willing to share it over here where everyone can see...but...just feel like sharing a little...well as long i dont reveal enough to let you all knoe who is it...it should be fine yea?hopefully he'll be the only one who knows what i'm talking about...hmm...enough of crap...let's get to business...hahaha...alright...whatever~~hmmm...how should i begin?well,the first thing i want to talk about him is how unfairly he was being treated when he was in sec sch...prejudice and discrimination...he's simply being bullied by the rest...being outcasted and all...it pains me to even think about it...not to mention how he managed to get through...and...by now u should know that i tend to fall for people who use to have very sad experiences and etc...that is why i said that i cant be a psycologist yea?hehe...'cause i'll definately break the most basic rule...that is,not to develop feelings for your patients...oops...abit out of topic...alright then,let me bring u back in...hmmm...to me,he did alot of things which made me very touched...he stood up for me all the time...and i still can remember the bus incident...touched by it too...and crossing road...and the handkerchief...and the changing of seats...see?i still can remember okay...haha...=P that shows how much it means to me in my heart...=) well,that might be just 'so you'...that u wouldnt even remember...but that is why i really like it...'cause u're always the one who cares for people silently and never once ask for a favor in return...and i remember that time when u wasnt really in good mood...hence u sounded a little harsh through sms...hehe...(that sounds stupid right?since when can sms sound harsh?well...when he give straight answers...)but i think an hr later or something,u messaged and apologise for yur rudeness and harshness...u apologised again the next day too,though i told u ample times that i didnt put it to heart...but i really didnt mind it at all...really,not at all...honestly i were more worried whether u were having a bad day or not,rather than yur attitude towards me...yep...but i were still very touched to see that u actually cared to apologise to me...so happy to know that u care about what i think about u...hehe...another time was when i was feeling very depressed...i merely messaged u...but almost immediately,i received a call from u...though its a very short call...but i was surprised that u called...very happy too!!its like...bringing a rainbow to my day which is filled with dark clouds...=) especially when i know u need to get into the OT soon...yet u still called...so touched by that u know...hmm...touched when u put down all your work to accompany me that day too...hmm...suddenly i just cant seem to recall everything...but still...i want to say a very big thank-you over here...my life is filled with another additional colour because of u...=) especially that day on u insist that on that 'dun like one another,being compatible also no use'...it brought me new hopes never before...but then...someone else shattered it when he said u like her...well...im suppose to have faith in myself...and in u...but i failed to do so...'cause u look great and are always popular with girls...(though u dont admit that...)haha...and great in everything...studies...taking care of people...etc etc...so...what am i compared to u?*laughing bitterly*perhaps i just have to let u go yea?

well...that 15 mins...how i wish its me...but...